But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
