Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
