The maid of honor just puked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
