why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
