Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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