Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
