Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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