she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize