All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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