I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
