Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
