How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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