they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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