can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
