I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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