I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The air taste purple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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