Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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