I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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