I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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