loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
