Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
