So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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