is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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