How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
