I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
