New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
