Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize