things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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