I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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