this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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