I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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