i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
