i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
