no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
