K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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