About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
