Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
