My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
