If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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