Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You made out with two different species that night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
