It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
