Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
