i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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