She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
