I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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