Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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