it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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