you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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