Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Send help, water and tortillas.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
