Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize