He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
