If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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