If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
