I heard we made out
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
