I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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