Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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