Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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