Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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