He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
