That reminds me...we need to get swords
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
