she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
