Swine flu. Run for my life!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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