So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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