I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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