I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
