8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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