theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
