I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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