Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
