You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
