um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
