I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
