So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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