I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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