I love black thongs
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
