She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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