I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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