about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You need Xanax blowdarts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
