I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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