I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
