Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
